Stop Buying Peas
Recently, I woke groggily to an important message. My 6 year old son nestled between my wife and I...a morning routine. He's up 15 minutes before our alarm clock to jump in our bed for a snuggle moment.
This particular morning he's up on his knees, patting my shoulder gently and whispering me awake...
"Stop buying peas"
The beauty of children is that they truly live in a magical world. A world with endless possibilities, unlimited resources, and flush with fantastic dreams.
Unfortunately, as we age, the biases of everyday life start to affect the magic, slowly shielding it from view.
- In school, our drawings and scribbles suddenly get graded
- We meet our first bully
- Playing sports, we face the reality of losing
- We hear that money does not grow on trees
- We learn that not all the kids (nor adults) will like us
- Yelling in a restaurant, no matter how fun, is verboten
- At recess, an older kids tells us Santa does not exist
- And we learn that if you wear your socks for 11 days straight, you have to go to the hospital...
(Actually, I'm not sure about that last one, though it's very much the "water fountain" conversation in first grade these days.)
Children must rally their strength and confidence to tackle these inevitable lessons...and come through stronger on the other side. An important learning is to lose honorably and with respect for what it takes to win. To transition through life's early "hard lessons" to convert disappointment into wisdom and experience.
As the magic inevitably fades, children within special families will also be encouraged to hold on to a sense of wonder.
For in fact, parents & grandparents have encouraged the child to reach for their dreams despite life's realities, to accept no false boundaries, and to have fun while always giving their best.
Not all kids are as fortunate.
Those without proper coaching and positive adults to model risk a terrible penalty. Many children will establish failure patterns that will haunt them for decades, perhaps their entire lives.
Thus, highlighting the most important job of parenting...to instill in the child resilience, perseverance, respect, and good judgment.
All kids must learn to accept a 'No' from the world. There's no sense in trying to shield them from it. But to an impressionable young child the context for the 'No' is paramount...and every child and grandchild deserves that short investment of time from us to have the 'No' explained.
The time spent will be invaluable.
Kids are smart, and nearly always underestimated.
Many kids, however, are provided no context. The parents & grandparents in their life simply smack down their requests with a very literal "No!"
Kids, ever resilient, adjust their approach. For a while, they might lash out for attention. Requests become pleas. Pleas become whining screams! So desperately in search of a yes. And sometimes they ultimately shrink back into their protective shells, fearful of failing. Can't fail if you don't try.
Do your grandchild an enormous favor; and thereby move your legacy efforts forward.
Take time to explain the No when appropriate.
But, always seek the Yes when possible.
Allow the child to stretch their imagination muscles. Let them enjoy the fantasy of childhood. These Yes moments will be remembered...especially if you decide to join your grandchild in the magic. Move to them, instead of pulling them towards you and away from the land of wonder...
In the foggy landscape between sleep and first daylight, I don't think I heard something quite right..."Say that again son..."
"Daddy, in two weeks...stop buying peas."
He goes on to explain that each of his first grade classmates had the choice of planting a seed. He chose a pea seed...since his younger brother loves peas. And, while the pea seed is in a tiny plastic cup right now, we'll soon be able to transfer it to a larger pot. In two weeks. Of course, won't this be grand as we'll never have to buy peas again!
I listened with my eyes closed.
Soaking in the story.
Pausing.
The primal (adult-like) response, would have been to explain why this idea is far-fetched. You can't grow enough peas from one seed to feed a family. The "quick trigger" response inside wanted to help my child by teaching him that the real world doesn't work that way.
But instead, the parent in me cut off the urge to say 'No'. I zipped my lips. I enjoyed my son's excitement and did I sense pride from him as well?
I rolled over to face my son, flashing him a smile of surprise and excitement.
Leaning past him, I started patting my wife on the shoulder with an excited whisper...
"Wake up honey...quick, you've got to stop buying peas!"
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